33 random thoughts at 33

1. If you take the birthdate out of Facebook, not many would remember it. But it's alright. I don't feel too bad. I feel too old to feel too bad.
2. My eldest inaanak is a fourth grader. Say, what?!? I really feel old.
   
3. I'm tired. I want to retire. Now. Okay, maybe I don't exactly want to retire. But what I really want now is a job that doesn't require too much effort on the brain cells.

   

   It's not the years in my life that count...
4. I want to move to a different country. Try my luck. Start over. South Korea, maybe? I'll teach English. How do I begin again?
5. I'm fat. I can't stop eating chocolates. I can't stop eating junk. What did I do with my waistline? And my arms. And my thighs! What am I doing with my life?
6. I'm bored with this thing called dating and finding the one. I'm really, seriously bored. And lazy. And too lazy to care. Is that normal at 33?
7. I should bake. Nah. I should cook. Nah. L-A-Z-Y.
8. Can it just be weekend seven days a week? I want to lie down on the sofa, undisturbed by anything, watching nothing but Korean dramas all day. Squeeze in some time for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and WhatsApp every few hours.
9. Ahhh... Lee Dong Wook. 'Love that perfect nose!
10. Oh-em! Song Joong Ki winked on screen. I fall. He's 30. I don't dig anyone more than two years younger. Argh. Scrap it. I totally dig him.
11. I hate whatever's happening in the Philippines right now. Never mind. I don't care anymore. Back to the Korean drama.
12. I do care. I hate it.
13. I should buy some new clothes. Nah. Too fat.
14. I'm gonna buy myself one piece of real jewelry when I turn 35. But before that: Tiffany or Pandora?
15. How many hours more before 12 noon? How many hours more before 6PM?
16. Somebody got engaged again. Somebody's moving to Australia, New Zealand, Canada, somewhere, again. Somebody's moving back to the Philippines again. "There is nothing permanent except change." And me.
17. What if I just go back to the Philippines and be a school teacher in my hometown? How much do I need to earn to sustain my daily expenses and monthly insurance payments? Oops. Martial Law's coming.
18. I miss Europe. I want to go back to Paris and London. I want to see Amsterdam and Santorini. Oh... Yeah, those refugees. Need to wait awhile then.

    

    Tour Eiffel at night (Aug 2012)

19. My last will and testament will include a clause that states that my ashes should be brought to Santorini and thrown in the wind that blows to the Aegean Sea, if I don't get to set foot in that place in this lifetime. I'm bequeathing the amount equivalent to a one-way airfare ticket to whoever's gonna bring the ashes - up to the person if he/she still wants to come back from the country of the mythical gods and goddesses.

    

    Dreaming of Greece (Feb 2013)

20. I really truly honest-to-goodness wholeheartedly wish to go to South Korea now. I miss it more than I miss Europe.

    

    ... it's the life in my years.

21. Singapore, I don't know how to feel about you anymore. One minute, I just want to pack my bags and leave you. The next, I go all clingy and emo. Can't you just grant me that elusive PR status already?!
22. What else is in my bucketlist? Vacationing in Greece. Brushing the teeth of a dolphin. Seeing Pope Francis in person.
23. This change is exciting. This change is scary. Exciting. Scary. I hate change. But maybe I really need this one.
24. Yes, it takes a lot to impress me. It took 33 years to build this set of standards. Why do I need to be apologetic about it now?
25. Lord, pengeng British. Yung maganda ang ilong. Sige na nga, Pinoy na, Lord. Basta maganda ang ilong. #NoseGoals
26. I wonder how it feels like to be held tight because I am loved and not just objectified.
27. There goes another hugot line in someone's social media post. Pffft. Blech. I can't stand this outlet for millennial drama anymore.
28. I hope Unni Circe, Ate Rose and Mareeya will meet their da one soon. Like now na. Paki-una lang sila, Lord, kasi marami pa pong nakapila. Hahaha.
29. I like being alone. But I'd want to come home to someone. Selfish, I know... Is that "set-up" possible?
30. I'm still apprehensive about being single forever. Yet it seems like I'm more scared of losing my "me" time than the prospect of never changing my civil status.
31. Perhaps the thing that scares me the most about being single forever is the possibility of eventually becoming one of the annoyingly conservative grumpy old maids that I absolutely don't like. #TitasOfManila, how to be you po?
32. #WalangForever.
33. May forever. Promise, meron! Though, it doesn't follow that forever exists for my case. I still believe. 

    

    May forever.